Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
