His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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