Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Damn victory sex feels great
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
