Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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