If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My penis needs a shock collar
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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