I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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