dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
