i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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