you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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