Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
