I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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