just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
