Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Shame - the story of my life.
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