That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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