I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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