i dont even know how to be here
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
