Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think I won the penis lottery.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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