I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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