you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
