Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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