Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
