I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
