We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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