You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
