i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
