I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
