We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
