I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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