No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
