Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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