Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
