It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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