This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
