all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
