I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
