Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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