If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
