Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
