Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
two words...techno handjob
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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