I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
