Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
