she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
