Apparently you make a good broom.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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