this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
