Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
