Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
