Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
