I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
