I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
