East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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