I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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