He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
