I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
