Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
