I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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