And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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