R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
