I think I am morally bankrupt
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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