Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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