I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
