Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
