I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
