Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
