so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
