Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize