I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
