I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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