I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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