She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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