she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
