apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
