Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
