We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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