so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
